"Teacher Candace? Why does this ball have all these weird bumps on it?"

"Oh WOW, um, where did you find that "ball" , little Friend?"

"My Moms bedroom, under her bed."

Hahahahaha ( said "ball" is in a bag in my desk drawer now.)

"Teacher Candace? Will there be girls in class tomorrow?"

"yes, little man. I'll be there."

"pheeesh, you don't count. You're like a mom and married and stuff."

"I'm still a girl!"

"yeah, but I LIKE you."

"Teacher Candace, my bum itches real bad today."

As they are getting spiced cider and sugar kettle corn at New Seasons for our harvest field trip. Talk about jacked up kidlets!)

"Teacher Candace! This is the BEST DAY EVER!"

‎"Teacher Candace, you look like a real sexy grandma or mom today!"

"It must be the apron."

"Nope, it's your hair and matching necklace and earrings."

 "Oh, thank you?"

"My gran and mom wear those. My dad says they are 'classic ladies'. whatever that means."

 "Hahahaha!"

‎"Teacher Candace! Guess what?!"

"what is it, Friend?"

"Im going on a big ass ship with my grandparents!"

"wooha little one we don't say that word here!"

(looking confused) "grandparents is a bad word?!"

"Oh my. Um, no, the one that sounds like grass!"

"oh! ASS! Ya, I get in trouble forthat one a lot!"

"Teacher Candace?"

"Yes, little Friend?"

"why do you always leave us in the middle of the day?"

"I need a break from all the silliness. I go for a walk, get some coffee, breath."

"Oh, you mean you have your DOWN TIME. Yea, my Mommy needs that every day too. It's called 'wine hour'. After I go to bed."

"She waits till your in bed?"

"Teacher Candace, why do YOU always have a coffee?"

"Well, because it makes me warm inside, it helps wake up my brain and it gives me a little boost of energy."

"Oh, I see. My Dad says to put up with my annoying ass in the morning!"

‎"Teacher Candace... (sigh) can you help me?"

"Sure, what is it, Friend?"

"my underpants are backwards."

"yeah, I'm having one of those days too. Come on, we'll fix you."

"how'd your underpants get backwards, Teacher?"

(under breath) "what underpants?" (smile sweetly.)

"Teacher Candace?"

"Yes, Little Friend?"

"I need to pee...." (proceeds to pee..)

"Oh my, maybe you could have come and let me know BEFORE you pee'd your pants?"

"Um, I did."

"more then 2 seconds before you pee, Friend."

 "Ooooohhhhhh. ok. like 10 seconds?"

"No, Bud, more then 10 seconds."

"Teacher Candace! You have the handles in!"

"I have the what in, little Friend?"

"your hair, those things, my Daddy calls them "handles" when my Mommy wears them!"

BRAIDS! Bwahahahaha! Awesome!

‎"Teacher Candace? Why did you not come to school yesterday?"

"I was at the doctor, little Friend."

"Oh no, did she give you a sticker for being good?"

"No, I didn't get a sticker."

(look of shock) "Where you BAD?!"

"oh , Teacher Candace, guess what!"

"What, little friends?"

"We found a spider, but we didn't kill it, we let it live like you said! Now it is living under my shoe over in the sand box." (one shoe is missing. off her foot)

"Um, what part of the shoe is it under, the top or bottom?"

"Bottom of course, she... doesn't want to get bitten."

(eye rolling here @ me and dead spider in the sand box.)

"Teacher Candace? Did you know my Dad is a cowpoker?"

"Teacher Cannas? where you goooo'en? the day isn't done yets."

"Home, little friend. I am sick."

"Oh NOES! we got you the sicks?"

"Yes, yes you got me the sicks. Don't worry, I'll be back on Monday."

"Oh good, I like the way you smell."

‎"Teacher Candace, can you find my underpants please?"

"oh my, um, when did you take them off, Friend?"

"I didn't, they never came to school, they decided to stay home today."

"well, please tell them they HAVE to come from now on!"

"Teacher Candace? My Mommy gives my Daddys the "hotty tottys" when he is sick. She also says he is a whiner Baby pants!" (uncontrollable child laughter here.)

"TEACHER CANDACE! COME HERE QUICK. A SPIDER IS TRYING TO KILL US!"

"Calm down, I'll catch it and put it outside."

"NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.. IT'S HUGE!!!"

"OMG!"

"Teacher Candace! You don't look to nice today. Are you the sick?"

"Teacher Candace! When I swing with my eyes closed, it feels like the world is broken!"

"Teacher Candace? My Uncle has a real life gun riffffel.. And he puts the things in it and shoots deer and other live things!"

"Wow. How does that make you feel, Friend?"

"Well, I am ok about it cuz the meats tastes good, but the deer gets really pissed off." (and back to lunch without a second thought.)

"teacher cannas, can we does ya hair?"

"Teacher Candace? Did you know cows can give birth to horses?"

"Teacher Candace? I don't like toe food!" (Aka tofu.)

"Teacher Candace! You're here! Yaaaaay!"

"where else would I be? I love you little guys!"

"um squuuuze me Teacher, I'm a girl, NOT a guy!"

"oh dear, sorry little friend!"

"THAT is better." (yikes!)

"Teacher Candace?"

"Yes Dear?"

"Why does your face look so tired and lonely today?"

"My face looks tired and lonely?"

"yeah, like a lion without a friend."

"um, wow. Yeah. I don't know friend. What do you think?"

"weeellllll, maybe you miss someone to much so your face is sad. Do you... need a hug?"

"always! Come here Bud! Thank you!"

"Teacher Candace? Did you know that if you oil stuff, it all works better?"

"really? Like what sort of "stuff"?"

"oh, you know, the kind of stuff my Dad oils in his bedroom...."

"Teacher Candace? Why does your bottom seem so much smaller then my moms? I mean she is shorter then you."

"Well, your mommy is just made to be softer then me, so it feels better when she holds you, that's all."

"teacher Candace, what is a 'testicle' and what shape is it?"

oh. my. god. Really? Oh Monday, you suck.